Application process 3

Okay, so I had completed the interview with Fr. Hirsch and in that process completed the impediments to Ordination questionnaire.

The one possible hang up that Fr. Hirsch and I discussed is the fact that I still owe money on my truck. Although I am debt free in all other ways this could be a problem. As a seminarian I won't have many expenses since the Diocese pays for tuition, room, and board. But a seminarian is not allowed to work off campus and only receives a $250 a month stipend. So any debt could be a problem. We left it at just me working at it until I start seminary and then try to figure out what I have left if I will need to sell my truck or what may happen. I am now far enough ahead to have breathing room on this front.

After that meeting I got to meet up with one of my very good priest friends. Father Tom Lindner drove over to La Crosse to take me out to supper to celebrate my decision to apply for seminary. As I have said in previous posts he was very instrumental in the deepening of my faith and my discovering my vocation in life.

Father Tom and I talked about many things, toasted my decision and had a really great time celebrating this decision to follow His will. We hadn't gotten together since I had told him of the decision.

The next day I had my psychological evaluation as part of the application process. I had to take about 6 hours of book tests and the psychologist was scoring them as I went. We wrapped it up with a discussion on the results.

It turns out that I am an extrovert (shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me) while most people going into seminary and most priests are actually introverts. This surprised me based on the amount of interaction with people that a priest has... But it does make sense on the prayer and thoughtfulness side of things.

I also showed a strong sense of personal right and wrong while not being a very judgemental person, traits that don't often go together but I hope will be good for my life as a priest.

Another trait that the psychologist "found" (I could have told him all of this if he had just asked) was that I do crave the support of people and a need for interaction. Along with that I have a strong desire for affection and friendships, especially with females, while rating fairly low on the desire for the physical actions which so often in our society are assumed to go along with that. That is another thing that I could have told him as most of my really close friends are women.

One thing that the psychologist said that I took some level of offense to was that I had tripped the indicators for a person trying to make a good impression on the test. I had made it a point to go fast on the tests and not over think the questions so as to not get into wondering what they may be wanting in it. The answers I gave were as honest as they could get. I asked if it was possible that I really was those "good" ways, and he said yes, it is just some triggers that causes them to look twice.

Well, since I had forgotten to post last nights until today this is two posts in a day so I'll end here.

Peace,
Adam

Application Process 2

Sorry it has been a while since I have posted here.  I had a retreat for seminarians from the Diocese of La Crosse last weekend, then came back to a very busy time at work.

 

I was asked after my last post if I could post the forms that I had to fill out for the initial application process that I talked about in my last post.  I don't feel that it would be prudent to do that, since it isn't my work.  I am trying to keep this blog as my thoughts and my experiences… I'm not really sure what the rules would be if I started to put up whole forms like that.  I do think however, that I could include a couple of the questions that were on the forms to give you an idea since there is an interest.  So here they are. 

 

When did you begin to think seriously of the priesthood?

 

Describe the process you have gone through in decision making from the time you began

to think of priesthood until the present time. How have your ideas developed or changed?

 

How would you define prayer? What part does prayer play in your life? How do you pray?

 

What is your view of ministry? As you look to the future and envision yourself as a priest,

what are you doing? Parish ministry? Teaching? Organizing people for social action?

 

If your interest in the priesthood could not be realized what vocation would you choose?

 

What is your attitude toward celibacy?

 

What qualities will you bring to the priesthood?

 

I think that gives a pretty good idea of the questions that were on there.  The above were pretty much short answer sentences or paragraphs.  In addition, as I said, there was the need to write an auto biography of my faith life and all aspects of life until this point.  It covered a lot about family background, life experiences, and hopes in life.  That sounds like a lot, but I do feel that it could have gotten into a bit more.  I was asked to give 6 or 7 pages in the autobiography.  I ended up giving both, for a total of 13.  Sorry, bad joke.

 

After these documents were received by the vocation director, Fr. Hirsch, I scheduled an interview with him and my psychological evaluation.

 

The interview with Fr. Hirsch was a lot more than I had expected.  I had thought that maybe it would be an hour of pointed questions repeating what I had already given them.  There was a little of repeating the answers to those written questions, but to a great extent it was deeper than that. 

 

Father Hirsch and I sat and talked for about two and a half hours.  We talked about what I had written, expanded on it.  He answered questions that I had about the process and the priesthood.  Although I had most of the questions about the priesthood answered by numerous other priests it is always nice to get another perspective.

 

In addition to that Father Hirsch had some questions that the Church requires a vocation director to ask, and me to sign a form validating my answers.  These questions were about the "impediments to Ordination."  An impediment to Ordination is something that is in a man's personality or past that could make the sacrament of Ordination invalid.  If you have these they need to be addressed early to see if Ordination is even possible.  Some of the questions are pretty straight forward such as: Have I ever participated willfully in a homicide or abortion?  Have I ever denied the Church's teachings or pronounced a creed in a non-Christian faith?  Have I fathered a child? (Ordination wouldn't be possible until the child reaches the age of maturity in their society)

 

Others of the impediments to Ordination questions I was surprised by.  I don't have any issues with them, but they did cause me to wonder about the details behind them.  One of these was:  Have you ever performed an act reserved for those who have received the sacrament of Holy Orders (Ordination)?  I wondered about that because many children "play Mass" growing up… that isn't what this is talking about.  It is talking about someone who has attempted to deceive others into thinking that they were receiving a valid sacrament through their actions.  Such as someone "hearing confessions" when they aren't really a priest and putting on that they are absolving the person's sins.

 

The other question that I was somewhat surprised about was: Do you have deep homosexual tendencies?  This isn't a problem for me, but I had always understood that homosexuals were allowed into the priesthood as long as they simply followed the same promise/vow of celibate chastity as a heterosexual man.  Or that a man who has "experimented" with it is in the same case as a straight man who has been sexually active.  Again, I have never had any issues with this at all, but what I have since found out is that a man who has occasional homosexual attractions isn't a problem, it is a man who has deep seated tendencies to act out the homosexual attractions that it can be an impediment to Ordination for.  Not passing or short term thoughts or actions.

 

I will end here since this has gotten long, in my next post I will talk about the psychological evaluation.

 

Peace,

Adam

The application process 1

"What was I going to do about it?". I knew what I needed to do.

I was going to apply for seminary, that's what. God gives us free will to choose what we do in our life, but our life will be best, and happiest if we do His will.

The night that I made the decision to follow God's will and apply for seminary was wonderful. I was filled with such a sense of peace in my life that I can't even begin to describe it. This doesn't mean that there aren't question or that I didn't know about the challenges of what I was getting into, but that I knew He would lead me and guide me through.

A day or two later I sent an e-mail to the vocations director for the Diocese of La Crosse, Fr. Joe Hirsch. I also spoke on the phone to Fr. Hirsch and he e-mailed me the initial forms I would need to fill out.

Those forms included a standard application to get basic personal information. A questionnaire which wanted sentence or paragraph length answers to questions about my faith, church involvement, and thoughts on the priesthood was also involved. I had to provide a list of name and addresses of people who might be willing to write letters of recommendation for me.

The last thing that Fr. Hirsch wanted right away was for me to write a short autobiography. Although much of the information to be in the autobiography was already covered it was a format to expand on the ideas of my upbringing, life experience, faith experience, and thoughts about the priesthood and why I wanted to be a priest.

I got to work on these forms and the autobiography right away. Now that I was convinced of God's will being for me to go to seminary I was excited!

Peace,
Adam

What got me to this point 7

So... I had joined a new parish and had a really great talk about the parish, the Church, and the priesthood. I was looking forward to getting involved at the parish.

I was still trying hard to figure out exactly what God wanted me to do with my life. I had recently gone to a discernment day event in my home diocese of La Crosse, WI. Although it hadn't had any ground breaking insights it was a good experience to meet others who were attempting to figure out God's will so they could follow it. Most of the people at this event were younger than me so while I listened to the discussion and prayed with them at the Mass I spent most of the time there in private prayer.

That event did give me some more thing to think about, and some more things to read that I hoped would guide me. Sadly, none of it had any glaring answers that said, "Adam, you should be a priest!" Or "Adam, you should get married!". I was still hoping for some big voice from the sky to tell me what to do. It didn't and still hasn't come, but it very rarely does.

Back in Iowa I was just going about my life and praying for guidance. I don't remember exactly the day, but one day I decided to sit down and write about the way that I felt. Not for anyone to see, I wasn't egotistical enough to think that anyone would want to read my thoughts (odd that I am now writting a blog, but people have asked me to).

What this writting turned into was mostly a listing in sentence and paragraph form of all the times I have gone back and forth on thoughts of the priesthood. It turned into a four page document on my computer.

When I was done with that document I sat and read it through a couple of times, even though I had just written it. Each time I read it I came to the same conclusion. Although at any given moment in time I may be thinking yes or no on if God was calling me to be a priest I could see that when I looked at it all there was no doubt. He was and is.

The next day I called the priest that I grew up with, Fr. Del Malin. I asked him if he could meet with me to talk about the priesthood. Although he is retired from pastoral duties he still says Mass quite often for the soldiers at Fort McCoy. We agreed on a Sunday that I was home to ride out together for Mass so we could talk on the car ride and over breakfast afterwards.

Although I was now convinced that God was calling me to the priesthood and I had been around priests regularly and knew quite a bit about it I wanted to know more. I also wanted him to read what I had written and see what he said about it.

Over breakfast after the Mass Fr. Malin read what I had written. His only question afterwards was, "What are you going to do about this?"

Peace,
Adam

What got me to this point 6

So the decision to take the job in Iowa was pretty easy. It was also difficult for me because I was having such a good time in Nashville and had gotten to know so many wonderful people.

The work in Iowa was going to be more of what I always dreamed of doing. It would be easier to go home and see family and friends there. And if I was going to get married and have a family of my own it would be in my opinion a better place to raise a family. So I decided to take the job in Iowa and with a tinge of sadness started preparing to leave the wonderful friends I had made.

I got to Iowa and started the job. It was all that I could have ever hoped it could be. I found a couple of friends in Iowa and was looking at setting down some roots but was still unsettled about the possibility that maybe I was supposed to become a priest.

I started searching for a parish, and a spiritual director. A spiritual director is someone who will talk to you in strict confidence about your faith, the challenges with it, and give you some guidance on possible ways to deepen your faith. As happened in Tennessee I decided to try out the parishes in the area to see if I could find one that I liked and could get actively involved in.

One other thing I did shortly after moving to Iowa was to enroll in an evening class on Theology at the local Catholic university. I thought that it would be something I'd be interested in, something to do a couple nights a week, a way to maybe meet a few people, and also that it might help me in my discernment. It was very interesting, although very basic. It did give me something to do which was great. It was pretty much a bust on meeting people. It was mostly college freshmen who were taking it because they had to rather than they were interested in it. For discernment it did instill in me that I wanted to study Theology more, but didn't help me decide if that would be a for fun thing or a for the priesthood thing.

I quickly narrowed it down to three or four parishes but was really struggling to pick one. I decided that since I liked the Masses at each, and they all had multiple ministries that I'd be interested in getting involved it I could go with any of them. I decided to see how they offered the sacrament of Reconciliation and if I the priest at the parish was helpful with the advice in that. I ruled one out quickly that way. The sacrament was there, but the priest didn't offer advice to help me grow to overcome my sins. The next one that I went to was wonderful. I decided right then to join that parish.

I wouldn't normally have thought that it was good to decide on a parish just because of the priest because they get moved around and the parishes are so much more than the individual priest at the parish. However, as I said all other things were equal.

Almost right after joining the parish I set up a meeting with the priest. I wanted to talk to him to see about any ideas on discernment. I was also getting a feel for him in a longer, more in depth talk as I may have asked him to work with me on spiritual direction. That talk went great and I was planning to get around to asking him about spiritual direction, but was very busy for a little while so was putting it off.

That's enough for now. God Bless.

Peace,
Adam

What got me to this point 5

I think I left off the last post with my move to the Nashville area.

My position at Old Hickory Lake was to be my "permanent" assignment. I would be there until I decided to leave. So I set about quickly to settle in and make the most of it. I found a couple of Catholic Parishes near my apartment that I thought I'd look at first. They were very nice, but I decided to keep looking around.

A short while after I moved to Nashville I had a setback in life. My wonderful relationship of just over three years came to an end. This was hard on me, I had begun to think that I probably was going to end up marrying her. The reason the relationship ended was actually a reason to be very thankful to God, but I don't want to go into that for her privacy.

Because the possibility of becoming a priest had been in my mind for so long and even during our relationship my first thoughts upon the breakup was that I should just do that. It took me a few days but I soon realized that would be one of the dumbest decisions of my life. I knew that even if I truly had a call to the priesthood I would question it in the future if I went in a reactionary way. So, I set myself to not even consider the priesthood for at least three months and until I had been on dates with at least two other women.

Before I could really get into any of that I had to finish my treatment for the cancer. The last step in this is a dose of radioactive iodine. That done I was stuck in my apartment for almost a week because I couldn't have any risk of passing radiation to others.

At the end of that week I decided to go into Nashville to the Cathedral for Mass. They have a "young adults" group of faithful Catholics based out of the Cathedral that I was interested in getting involved in. The Mass at the Cathedral was nice so I decided to go to the young adults Holy Hour the next night.

The young adults Holy Hour and the social dinner afterwards were great. Little did I know that I had just found my main social network of friends in Nashville. Aside from the monthly Holy Hours they got together regularly for socials, theological discussion, and service. Once I became active in this it was a rare night that I couldn't find something to do with someone from that group if I wanted.

I was greatly enjoying my off time in Nashville and the job wasn't bad. But I still longed to get closer to home. I had also accomplished what I had set before allowing myself to pray for His guidance on where my life should go. Sadly the discernment kind of fell back into the back and forth pattern of the last many years.

Early in the summer I was enjoying life greatly when I got a heads up about a possible job with the Corps closer to home, back on the Mississippi River, and a significant amount of my time being back to doing forestry work. It was a great opportunity, but with the wonderful life I had in the Nashville area I had a decision to make.

I guess that again that is enough for now... I'll write more when I can.

Peace,
Adam

What got me to this point 4

So I left off the last blog with having decided in the fall of 2005 in my head that I should go to seminary for discernment purposes. (For those who don't know discernment is the word for figuring out what God wants you to do. In this case : What is my vocation in life? But it could be discerning anything, who to marry if you are called to marriage, what school to go to, what job to take, or any such thing. God gives us free will, but our lives are best if we figure out what He wants from us)

In January of 2006 I went on a service trip/ mission trip to Haiti with a group from the Newman Parish. I loved the trip and think that we did some wonderful things on that trip... And saw things that we could share with others in a way that may be able to help the people of Haiti. I did and do consider the trip helpful in my discernment. I believe that this helped an already present love of others to grow in me.

After the time in Haiti I decided to tell a couple of people about my decision to apply for seminary. I told only two or three people. Then, less that a week after that, quite spontaneously I found myself asking out a wonderful young woman who was already a great friend of mine.

I guess that starting to date her really put moving in the direction of applying for seminary on hold. It didn't stop the discernment, but added another dimension to it. We were able to talk about discernment and grow in love for God through our love for each other.

At various times during our relationship I felt more like I was being called to marry her and at other time I felt like we should break up so that I could more fully discern where God was calling me.

I went on with school and the relationship and the discernment. As graduation neared in the spring of 2007 I found a job as a forester for the US Army Corps of Engineers doing forestry on the islands and flood plain areas of the Mississippi River near home. This job would lead to a great potential for a permanent position with the Corps if I took it and delayed graduation until December. So I did that. After graduation I was offered a permanent job with the Corps as a park ranger in Kentucky. I took that job to stay as a permanent and hope for a transfer back home some day.

While in Kentucky I was able to maintain a wonderful relationship through frequent visits back home and telephone calls. I started to think that God may truly be calling me to marriage, but I still had nagging doubts in the back of my heart that I prayed about frequently.

In the fall of 2008 while in Kentucky I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. I felt very blessed that if I was going to get cancer it would come at this time when I had a wonderful job that could be flexible for the treatment and gave me wonderful insurance to cover the expenses. I also was blessed that if I was going to have cancer it was this treatable of a type. Another blessing was my wonderful family, friends, and girlfriend to support me through this both physically and in prayer.

The surgeries for the cancer went well and in January of 2009 I was transferred in a scheduled move to Tennessee with the Corps still as a park ranger. I was excited for this move because I moved very near Nashville where the is stuff to do all the time, a number of Catholic churches to choose from (there was only 1 where I was in KY thankfully it was a great one) and a wonderful hospital to finish my treatment at.

That's probably enough for now...
Peace,
Adam

What got me to this point 3

So, in the spring and summer of 2005 I tried hard to figure out if God was calling me to be a priest. I was living life as I had for a long time, lots of work, lots of fun, and lots of prayer… I prayed about the normal stuff that I always had: thanks for the many blessings He had given me in my life, asking for the blessings to continue for me and for those that I loved. I also prayed for some undeniable sign as to what His will was for my life, however, I am not sure that I was listening too well. I wanted some big voice from the sky to come and tell me what to do.
That fall back at UWSP I met many new wonderful friends who again were all active in practicing their faith in the church that Christ gave us. I was beginning to realize that my time at church and the people I met there were the best parts of my life… but that didn’t mean that I had to be a priest did it? It could just mean that I was called as all are to live whatever avenue we take in life in a holy and loving way. I could continue on the life that I had planned and set a lot of time for service to His church into my “normal” life that I was going to live. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t thinking still about being a priest, I was probably just questioning what I was thinking and feeling.
At some point during the fall of 2005 I began to think that I should do something different in my discernment… I obviously wasn’t figuring anything out the way that I was going about it now. In my head I decided that I probably should go to seminary after graduation… more for discernment reasons then because I was convinced God wanted me to be a priest. I think that the prayerful structure and direction given at a seminary would have been wonderful for figuring out what God’s will is. I didn’t tell anyone about this decision… I didn’t want to be treated as weird or have people expect more of me just because I was going this route… I wanted to live a “normal” college life for the rest of my time at UWSP.


I am writing this before work, and that is all the time that I have for today… more later.
Peace,
Adam

What got me to this point 2

I ended the last post with having talked to Fr. Tom about the possibility of God wanting me to be a priest. I took his advice to heart. I spent time reading books about the priesthood and especially reading books that included vocation stories of how someone else had come to dedicate their life to Christ and the Church He founded. I really enjoyed reading these vocation stories and even to this day I am amazed at the diversity of people that God calls to serve him.

In January of 2005, during winter break from classes I took Father Tom up on his idea and offer to visit a seminary. We talked about the days that would work for it and he arranged everything else. We were heading to Mundelein Seminary, in Mundelein Illinois. This is where Father Tom went to seminary and knew a few of the students, so that I could acompany one around to classes and ask questions of him.
When we got to Mundelein I met with a seminarian who is a friend of Fr. Tom. He was a student in the pre-theology program so fairly new to the seminary himself, but he had been feeling for years that he was called to the priesthood.

I truly enjoyed attending the classes with him and got the understanding that although the classes at seminary are challenging, it wouldn't take a super genious to get through them. That is one question that I had been wondering... I was (and still am) a bit intimidated with the academics, the topics studied are stuff that I am interested in but that I have never formally studied on my own.
In addition to going to class I was able to go to prayer time and Mass with the seminarians, very moving. I also was able to spend "off" time with the seminarians. Going out to eat with Fr. Tom, Brother Henry, and two of the seminarians for some wonderful conversation. I also was able to sit in on an evening gathering among the seminarians as they relaxed from the week. It was very nice to see that the seminarians weren't walking around all day in silent prayer. They were normal guys who felt that God was calling them to serve Him in this way.

Upon return to UWSP after the visit to Mundelein I had some serious questions to consider. I pretty much just continued on with life... classes, social times, prayer, and whatever else I was doing at the time. I had such an amazing group of friends that I was busy constantly. I did find time to continue to read vocation stories and other books relating to the priesthood.

Peace,
Adam

What got me to this point 1

Okay, the test post seems to have taken, and I have some time right now so I'll write a little bit more.
For a number of years I have been thinking seriously about entering seminary and the possibility of becoming a priest. I can't say for sure when the thought crossed my mind, but I know that I first seriously started thinking about it and considering that it might be where God wants me to be in about the fall of 2003, when I was at Sheppard Air Force Base I had a lot of free time to think, and this thought entered my mind. I guess it is kind of ironic that it would have been at Sheppard AFB with the analogy of the shepherd...
Let me backtrack for a minute. Prior to this time I had been raised a pretty good Catholic... we went to Mass most Sundays when I was little. I can remember as a little kid thinking about the priest in the front (Fr. Del Malin) and thinking "I could do that" but it was probably more just could I stand up there and say the words, I really didn't have a great concept of being a priest, that wasn't really raised as a possibility in life. That would have to be the first time I can say that I could point to as possibly guiding me in this direction, but it wasn't really thought about for a long time. After that I had a couple of times that it would cross my mind, but it would be dismissed from my thoughts before I even really thought about it.
Back to Sheppard AFB... I was having a wonderful time and dating enough that although I claimed to have considered the possibility of becoming a priest I never took it very serious and considered it only casually.
Fast forward to my return to UWSP (University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point) after my time gone for training for the Air Force. Prior to leaving for the Air Force I had been pursuing degrees in Forestry and Political Science for the academics and working at the Newman University Parish (www.newmanuwsp.org). I had a wonderful group of friends mostly based through the Newman Parish. So upon my return after a year away for training I slipped back in very comfortably. Most of my good friends were still there and some new friends to be made. I truly enjoyed spending my time at the Newman Center and working around the house that I had purchased with money saved during my year away.
In the fall of 2004, shortly after my return to UWSP I felt the need to talk to someone about my thoughts on possibly becoming a priest. I was very nervous about this. I wanted to talk to the pastor of Newman Parish, Fr. Tom Lindner, but I was worried that if I just dropped it out there in the open that I was thinking about it neither of us would know what to say, me what questions to ask, him how best to respond with me. So I decided that I would e-mail him to ask if we could talk about it on the annual Fall Retreat that Newman holds for students.
On the Fall Retreat I can remember going for a walk with Fr. Tom and one of the first things that I said was that I didn't want to be a priest, I wanted a "normal" life and such, but I thought that maybe God wanted me to be a priest so I better try to figure out how to determine that.
Father Tom was very supportive and just listened and answered what questions I had at that time... They probably weren't the best questions or the deepest thoughts, but they were what I had in my mind. He didn't give any super deep advice, just talked about where I took the topic. He recommended a few books and recommended that I visit a seminary with him after a while to talk to the people there.

I think that this is enough to type for now... I will write more later.

Test Post

I am writting this post to test and see if I can figure out how to get this to work.

In a little over a month and a half I will be quitting my job and moving to the University of St. Mary of the Lake/Mundelein Seminary to begin pre-theology studies. I will have two years of the pre-theology program before moving into the theology program, which will last for four years. This experience is designed so that God willing I will eventually be ordained a priest of Jesus Christ in the Holy Roman Catholic Church.

As I learn to work this blog thing I will describe a bit more the steps that have gotten me to this point.

Peace,
Adam