Discernment update after two years in seminary

Hello again,

I know that I have not updated how my discernment of my vocation has been going in a long time.  Wow, with that starting line, let me tell you right away that I am staying in seminary, so you don’t think that I am saying that I am leaving seminary based on that line.  All of what I’m telling you in this has been discussed with my spiritual director at Mundelein, along with other priests and seminarians that I trust.

It has now been over two years since I first showed up at Mundelein Seminary.  Tomorrow I move to St. Paul seminary.  At Mundelein I completed the pre-theology program and in St. Paul I will be beginning the Theology program.  This is a big transition that I am excited for and that I think will help me to figure out in life if the life of a priest is what I’m called to, a change of perspective often seems to help me clarify things.

This past year has been a great struggle for me as discernment is concerned.  Towards the end of my first year of pre-theology I began to seriously wonder if I was doing the right thing being in seminary.  However, I knew at that time that I had to keep moving forward in seminary because I did have enough thought that I was called to be a priest so I wanted to keep giving that to God. 

Over the summer after first pre-theology I was at the Boy Scout camp as you know if you’ve read this.  I thought that the time at scout camp would be good for me to discern, I thought that either I would love the ministry side completely or I would feel the great desire to be a dad to a kid like what I was dealing with.  The problem was that I felt both, so it wasn’t very helpful for discernment.

Returning to Mundelein for second pre-theology I had some doubts still, but had enough thought that I was called to being a priest that I felt the need to continue on discerning.  This was really challenged when I soon found out that the job I had previously dreamed of had opened up.  I was really tempted to apply for that job, but I knew that I owed it to God to stay in seminary and continue to discern my vocation in life.

During second pre-theology I continued to discern through prayer, thinking, and talking to priests and seminarians I trust.  Often I felt like I was spinning my wheels in this discernment, I wasn’t getting much clarity one way or the other.  I then began to look at myself quite a bit.  I looked at my love for the Eucharist… as I examined it through prayer I knew for sure that I love the whole Eucharist, but I am especially drawn to the Precious Blood.  I am not sure if this truly means anything, but I spent a lot of time praying about that.  I was reminded of a permanent Deacon told me one time about his love for the Precious Blood and how the Deacon is the official minister of the cup. 

This thinking opened up a whole new line of thought, maybe I am called to the permanent Deaconate after marriage.  This took a lot of my discernment.  I know some people who say that the permanent Deaconate is a “best of both worlds” thing, but I see it as truly a separate vocation and calling.  I hadn’t thought of the permanent Deaconate in a long time in regards to myself.  So now I was trying to discern between the three vocations that hold attraction to me at all: Priesthood, Permanent Deaconate after marriage, and marriage without Deaconate.  I don’t see any sign that I feel called to the single life as a vocation, so I really don’t think of that much.

As the year went on with my discussions with others I tried to figure this out, I still felt that there was enough of a chance that I’m called to the priesthood that I want to continue in seminary, at least for now, maybe all the way to Ordination. 

Discernment is part of why I am very excited about the transfer to St. Paul Seminary.  I think that a change in setting and people will help me to clarify what God is calling me to.  I am so excited about that. 

I promised myself when I started this blog that I would always be honest with anyone who reads it about where I was at discernment wise so that is why I wrote this.  I ask you all to keep me, and all those discerning God’s call in their life in your prayers.

On another note, I wrote this post over a long period of time, so I hope that the choppiness of it doesn’t matter too much.

Peace,

Adam

Tuesday through Thursday of my experience with Catholic Relief Services in Burkina Faso

Hello again,

Summer is beginning to wind down so I thought that I would write a post to finish out the trip to Burkina Faso.  Part of the reason that I was trying to write all of this was of course to share this information with you, about the wonderful work that CRS does, but also to remember it for myself.  I have my journal that I wrote on the trip, and the notes from the visits, so I am able to use this and my memory from the trip I think that I can still do it justice… as much as I ever have.  I will try to finish out the trip in this post, but we’ll see how long it gets.

Tuesday started out a little bit of a tourist day, but any tourism in a situation like this is somewhat cultural.  We went to a site called Laongo.  Laongo is an outdoor art park.  It had many sculptures of both rock and metal.  The rock carvings tended to be in granite.  This is a place for both Burkinabe and foreign artists to display their work.  The main themes running through this park were the ideas of the difficult struggles of life, but also the hope for the future.  I can remember one sculpture in particular; I’ll see if I can figure out how to upload a picture to the blog.  This was a sculpture in granite that had a human face carved in it with a large rock on top of the head.  Once you looked closely, you noticed that one side of the face was a woman and the other was a man.  The heavy part of the rock on the head was over the woman, the rock symbolized that all Burkinabe seem to have the weight of the world on them, but it seems to be pushing down on the women even more.  A constant theme that I saw during the trip was the amazing power of the Burkinabe women, they seemed to support the families the most and have the most responsibility thrust onto them.

We left Laongo and went to visit a seminary in Ouagadougou.  This is their theology seminary, the last four years before priesthood.  It served both Burkina Faso and some other nearby countries.  The set-up there is a little different; the seminarians are responsible to cover their own expenses for the most part.  It costs about $1500.00 per seminarian per year, a huge burden remembering that the average income in Burkina Faso is $345.00 per person per year.  I don’t know how they manage; with the language barrier it was difficult to get an answer to that.  For the most part the seminarians seemed as I had expected, fun loving men who love what they are doing.  When we had a talk with them through translators I saw them coming in and as with anywhere else they looked for their friends to sit with, seminarians aren’t that different from everyone else.

Following the seminary we visited a warehouse where CRS keeps the food that it distributes.  It has a large warehouse which holds 6000 metric tons of food and two smaller ones that each holds 1000 metric tons.  The warehouse is restocked twice a year with about 80 trucks to a shipment.  There are many of the things that you would expect stored there, rice, soy products, lentils, corn, and oil for cooking.  It all has to be stored in the warehouse like this so that it doesn’t go bad in the weather, so it is taken out to the people from here as the programs allow.  One thing that was pretty cool about that warehouse was how tall the stacks of food were and that all the bags were carried in and stacked by hand, large bags are 50 Kg (110 lbs) and small ones 25 Kg (55 lbs) and the staff stacks them all very high and very neatly.  It is great that they have this facility in case there is ever a disruption to one of the shipments they could go on for a little while to continue serving.

That evening we had the opportunity to visit with the Archbishop of Ouagadougou for a bit.  He gave us a history of the Catholic Church in Burkina Faso and was generally a pleasant Man to visit with.

Wednesday was Ash Wednesday; I couldn’t help thinking how appropriate it was to be in Burkina Faso at that time.  I somewhat associated it with them living in an ongoing Lent.  What I mean by this is that the Burkinabe live with challenges and struggles all the time, but they also have a joyful hope for what is to come, hopefully for them, assuredly for all during Lent.

On Wednesday we spent some time visiting an orphanage in Ouagadougou named Kizito Center.  Kizito Center was founded in 1931.  It started as simply an orphanage, but now also cares for children who are abandoned and some other social reasons that they can’t be cared for by their family.  Kizito does not receive any state support; it is run by the Archdiocese and tries to get some funding elsewhere as it can.  From time to time CRS helps out too, but that depends on their resources as to how much.  We gave them one of the sheep which we had been given during the trip.  Kizito has a high rate of the children being adopted, most locally but some international adoptions.

Wednesday evening we had a meeting with the Secretary General of the Episcopal Conference.  For those unfamiliar with the Catholic verbiage there this is the man who runs the day to day operations for the organization that unites the Bishops in the area, this conference includes Burkina Faso and also neighboring Niger.  He told us that the Church in Burkina Faso is growing and that they have just created two new dioceses in the area.  One thing that he stressed quite heavy was the desire that they have for a relationship with the Church in the rest of the world.  They realize that at this point they need aide from the rest of the world, but they hope someday to be even more partners in faith. 

The Secretary General talked quite a bit about the relationship that the Catholics have with others in the area.  Muslims are the dominate group in the country and they have a good working relationship with them.  One of the reasons for this is the Catholic aide organizations that serve people of all faiths.  He told us that this has been noticed and appreciated and that the Muslim groups are getting better about doing the same, and even working together.  We were told that there is actually a better working relationship with the Catholics and Muslims than with the Catholics and Evangelical Protestant Christians.  The Evangelicals tend to only serve those who come to their churches and that has caused some animosity among both Catholics and Muslims towards them.

Thursday was a day of reflection and saying goodbye before we left.  We had a recap meeting at the CRS headquarters and it was great to summarize what we had done and say goodbye to the wonderful staff of CRS Burkina Faso.

That is the end of the summary of my experience with Catholic Relief Services in Burkina Faso, thank you for reading.  If you feel so moved I encourage you to support CRS at www.CRS.org

PEACE,

Adam