Discernment update after two years in seminary

Hello again,

I know that I have not updated how my discernment of my vocation has been going in a long time.  Wow, with that starting line, let me tell you right away that I am staying in seminary, so you don’t think that I am saying that I am leaving seminary based on that line.  All of what I’m telling you in this has been discussed with my spiritual director at Mundelein, along with other priests and seminarians that I trust.

It has now been over two years since I first showed up at Mundelein Seminary.  Tomorrow I move to St. Paul seminary.  At Mundelein I completed the pre-theology program and in St. Paul I will be beginning the Theology program.  This is a big transition that I am excited for and that I think will help me to figure out in life if the life of a priest is what I’m called to, a change of perspective often seems to help me clarify things.

This past year has been a great struggle for me as discernment is concerned.  Towards the end of my first year of pre-theology I began to seriously wonder if I was doing the right thing being in seminary.  However, I knew at that time that I had to keep moving forward in seminary because I did have enough thought that I was called to be a priest so I wanted to keep giving that to God. 

Over the summer after first pre-theology I was at the Boy Scout camp as you know if you’ve read this.  I thought that the time at scout camp would be good for me to discern, I thought that either I would love the ministry side completely or I would feel the great desire to be a dad to a kid like what I was dealing with.  The problem was that I felt both, so it wasn’t very helpful for discernment.

Returning to Mundelein for second pre-theology I had some doubts still, but had enough thought that I was called to being a priest that I felt the need to continue on discerning.  This was really challenged when I soon found out that the job I had previously dreamed of had opened up.  I was really tempted to apply for that job, but I knew that I owed it to God to stay in seminary and continue to discern my vocation in life.

During second pre-theology I continued to discern through prayer, thinking, and talking to priests and seminarians I trust.  Often I felt like I was spinning my wheels in this discernment, I wasn’t getting much clarity one way or the other.  I then began to look at myself quite a bit.  I looked at my love for the Eucharist… as I examined it through prayer I knew for sure that I love the whole Eucharist, but I am especially drawn to the Precious Blood.  I am not sure if this truly means anything, but I spent a lot of time praying about that.  I was reminded of a permanent Deacon told me one time about his love for the Precious Blood and how the Deacon is the official minister of the cup. 

This thinking opened up a whole new line of thought, maybe I am called to the permanent Deaconate after marriage.  This took a lot of my discernment.  I know some people who say that the permanent Deaconate is a “best of both worlds” thing, but I see it as truly a separate vocation and calling.  I hadn’t thought of the permanent Deaconate in a long time in regards to myself.  So now I was trying to discern between the three vocations that hold attraction to me at all: Priesthood, Permanent Deaconate after marriage, and marriage without Deaconate.  I don’t see any sign that I feel called to the single life as a vocation, so I really don’t think of that much.

As the year went on with my discussions with others I tried to figure this out, I still felt that there was enough of a chance that I’m called to the priesthood that I want to continue in seminary, at least for now, maybe all the way to Ordination. 

Discernment is part of why I am very excited about the transfer to St. Paul Seminary.  I think that a change in setting and people will help me to clarify what God is calling me to.  I am so excited about that. 

I promised myself when I started this blog that I would always be honest with anyone who reads it about where I was at discernment wise so that is why I wrote this.  I ask you all to keep me, and all those discerning God’s call in their life in your prayers.

On another note, I wrote this post over a long period of time, so I hope that the choppiness of it doesn’t matter too much.

Peace,

Adam